What to Say at a Parent Teacher Conference (From the Teacher's Side)

You can search the internet for hours and find a thousand articles telling parents exactly what to ask their child's teacher. There are lists of questions they should bring. There are guides on how they should advocate for their kid.

Nobody ever writes an article for the person sitting on the other side of the small rectangular table.

I have been teaching third-grade math and science for over twenty years. I have sat through more conferences than I can count. Early in my career, I let the parents run the show. I would sit back, answer their questions, and hope the clock moved quickly. I realized pretty fast that reacting to a meeting is a terrible strategy. You are the professional. You are the one who spends forty hours a week with their child. You need to be the one driving the conversation.

This is a guide on exactly what to say at a parent teacher conference. If you want to know how to gather your data before you sit down, I wrote a separate post on how to prepare for a parent teacher conference. For now, let us focus on the words coming out of your mouth.

How to Open the Meeting

The first two minutes dictate the tone for the entire twenty minutes. Do not start by flipping through papers or looking at your watch.

Stand up when they walk in. Shake their hand. Sit down and look them in the eye.

Start with a genuine positive. You have to find one thing their child does well. Even if the child is the most challenging student in your room, find something. Tell them you appreciate how the student always helps wipe down the desks after art. Tell them the student has a great sense of humor.

Parents are nervous. They are walking into a building that often brings up their own childhood anxieties. Starting with a positive lowers their defenses immediately.

I usually say something like this. Thank you so much for coming in. I really enjoy having Leo in class. He always makes sure his classmates have what they need during group work. I want to spend our time today going over where he is excelling and where we can work together to help him grow.

You just set the agenda. You are focusing on growth, and you are establishing that this is a team effort.

Sharing Concerns Without Triggering Defensiveness

This is the part every teacher dreads. You have to tell a parent that their child is failing math or refusing to follow directions.

The secret is to remove the emotion and stick entirely to observable facts. Do not use labels. Do not say their child is lazy. Do not say their child is defiant.

Parents will instinctively protect their children from subjective attacks. They cannot argue with data.

Instead of saying Leo never does his work, give them the exact numbers. Tell them that out of fifteen math assignments this month, Leo has completed three. Show them the blank papers.

Frame your concern as a puzzle you are trying to solve together. Ask for their expertise.

I have noticed that when it is time for independent reading, Leo tends to put his head down or ask to go to the bathroom. This has happened four times this week. Have you noticed him avoiding reading at home? I want to figure out what is causing this disconnect so we can help him feel more confident.

You are not accusing Leo of anything. You are just observing a behavior and asking the parent for help.

Handling the Parent Who Derails the Conversation

You will inevitably encounter a parent who wants to talk about everything except their child's academic progress. They will complain about the cafeteria food. They will bring up drama with another family in the neighborhood.

I once had a parent talk for twenty straight minutes about their recent vacation to Florida. I learned a lot about the wait times at Disney World. I did not learn anything about their son's reading comprehension.

You have to politely interrupt and steer the ship back on course. You only have a limited amount of time.

When a parent starts drifting, use a transition phrase. That sounds incredibly stressful. Since we only have about ten minutes left, I want to make sure we cover Sarah's recent science test.

Do not apologize for redirecting them. You are keeping the meeting focused on the only thing that matters in that room. You are focusing on the student.

Closing With a Clear Next Step

Never end a conference with a vague agreement to keep in touch. That means absolutely nothing.

The meeting should end with one specific, actionable step that you are taking, and one specific, actionable step the parent is taking.

If the issue is missing homework, the agreement might be that you will initial the planner every day at dismissal. The parent agrees to check the planner every night and sign it.

Before they stand up to leave, summarize the plan out loud.

Just to make sure we are on the same page, I will send you a quick email on Fridays with a list of any missing assignments. You are going to help him pack his backpack the night before. Does that sound like a solid plan?

When they agree, the meeting is over. You have successfully run the conference.

The Documentation You Need

You can say all the right things, but words fade. A parent might remember the conversation completely differently two weeks later. They might say you never brought up the missing assignments.

You have to have notes to back up what was discussed. If you do not have a record, you have no protection.

ShortHand gives you the documented notes to back up everything you say in that room. You can log the parent communication the second they walk out the door. Try it free at getshorthandapp.com/install.

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Related reading: How to Prepare for a Parent Teacher Conference | Parent Teacher Conference Comments for Every Type of Student | The Ultimate Parent Phone Call Script for Teachers