What to Say at a Parent Teacher Conference (From the Teacher's Side)

You can search the internet for hours and find a thousand articles telling parents exactly what to ask their child's teacher. There are lists of questions they should bring. There are guides on how they should advocate for their kid.

Nobody ever writes an article for the person sitting on the other side of the small rectangular table.

I spent more than twenty years working in education before I had a classroom of my own. Now I teach third grade and run my own conferences. I remember how nervous I was during my first round of parent-teacher conferences. I did not have student work samples ready to show families, and by the end of the night I was even forgetting some of my students' names. I learned pretty quickly that going into conferences without a clear plan makes an already busy night much harder.

You are the professional. You are the one who spends forty hours a week with their child. You need to be the one driving the conversation.

This is a guide on exactly what to say at a parent teacher conference. If you want to know how to gather your data before you sit down, I wrote a separate post on how to prepare for a parent teacher conference. For now, let us focus on the words coming out of your mouth.

How to Open the Meeting

The first two minutes dictate the tone for the entire twenty minutes. Do not start by flipping through papers or looking at your watch.

Stand up when they walk in. Shake their hand. Sit down and look them in the eye.

Start with a genuine positive. You have to find one thing their child does well. Even if the child is the most challenging student in your room, find something. Tell them you appreciate how the student always helps wipe down the desks after art. Tell them the student has a great sense of humor.

Parents are nervous. They are walking into a building that often brings up their own childhood anxieties. Starting with a positive lowers their defenses immediately.

I usually say something like this. Thank you so much for coming in. I really enjoy having Leo in class. He always makes sure his classmates have what they need during group work. I want to spend our time today going over where he is excelling and where we can work together to help him grow.

You just set the agenda. You are focusing on growth, and you are establishing that this is a team effort.

Questions to Ask Parents at a Parent Teacher Conference

After you open with something positive, give the parent a chance to talk.

They know parts of their child that you never see at school. Asking a couple of real questions early can also make the harder parts of the conversation easier, because the parent already feels like they are part of the discussion instead of just being talked at.

You do not need to ask all 12 of these. Pick two or three that fit the student and the conversation.

Getting to Know the Child

• What is your child really into outside of school right now?
• What does homework or reading time look like at home?
• What does your child say about their friends at school?

These are useful early in the meeting because they help you see the student outside of the classroom.

Finding Out What Already Works

• When your child gets frustrated at home, what helps them reset?
• What kind of encouragement works best for your child?
• Has a past teacher tried something that really worked?

Parents have usually been helping their child solve problems much longer than you have known the student. If something already works at home or worked with a previous teacher, you do not need to start from scratch.

When You Raise a Concern

• Have you noticed anything like this at home?
• Has this come up in past school years?
• Is anything going on right now that would help me understand what I'm seeing?

Ask these after you have shared the facts. The next section covers how to raise the concern itself without using labels or putting the parent on the defensive.

That last question is one I would ask once, gently, and then leave alone. Families decide what they want to share. You do not need to press for details.

Before You Wrap Up

• What is one thing you would most like your child to work on this year?
• What is the best way to reach you, and how often would you like updates?
• Is there one small thing we could try at home this week?

Asking about one small step at home helps turn the meeting into an actual plan instead of ending with everyone agreeing that they will "keep working on it."

The biggest thing is to ask one question and then stop talking. Give the parent time to answer. If they tell you something important, jot it down instead of trusting yourself to remember it after five more conferences.

If you want families to think about a few questions before they arrive, the parent teacher conference form post has a short list you can send home ahead of time. The questions here are for the conversation in the room.

Sharing Concerns Without Triggering Defensiveness

This is the part every teacher dreads. You have to tell a parent that their child is failing math or refusing to follow directions.

The secret is to remove the emotion and stick entirely to observable facts. Do not use labels. Do not say their child is lazy. Do not say their child is defiant.

Parents will instinctively protect their children from subjective attacks. They cannot argue with data.

Instead of saying Leo never does his work, give them the exact numbers. Tell them that out of fifteen math assignments this month, Leo has completed three. Show them the blank papers.

Frame your concern as a puzzle you are trying to solve together. Ask for their expertise.

I have noticed that when it is time for independent reading, Leo tends to put his head down or ask to go to the bathroom. This has happened four times this week. Have you noticed him avoiding reading at home? I want to figure out what is causing this disconnect so we can help him feel more confident.

You are not accusing Leo of anything. You are just observing a behavior and asking the parent for help.

Handling the Parent Who Derails the Conversation

You will inevitably encounter a parent who wants to talk about everything except their child's academic progress. They will complain about the cafeteria food. They will bring up drama with another family in the neighborhood.

You have to politely interrupt and steer the ship back on course. You only have a limited amount of time.

When a parent starts drifting, use a transition phrase. That sounds incredibly stressful. Since we only have about ten minutes left, I want to make sure we cover Sarah's recent science test.

Do not apologize for redirecting them. You are keeping the meeting focused on the only thing that matters in that room. You are focusing on the student.

Closing With a Clear Next Step

Never end a conference with a vague agreement to keep in touch. That means absolutely nothing.

The meeting should end with one specific, actionable step that you are taking, and one specific, actionable step the parent is taking.

If the issue is missing homework, the agreement might be that you will initial the planner every day at dismissal. The parent agrees to check the planner every night and sign it.

Before they stand up to leave, summarize the plan out loud.

Just to make sure we are on the same page, I will send you a quick email on Fridays with a list of any missing assignments. You are going to help him pack his backpack the night before. Does that sound like a solid plan?

When they agree, the meeting is over. You have successfully run the conference.

The Documentation You Need

You can say all the right things, but words fade. A parent might remember the conversation completely differently two weeks later. They might say you never brought up the missing assignments.

You have to have notes to back up what was discussed. If you do not have a record, you are relying on memory, and so is the parent.

A one-page conference notes form with space for parent input and the agreed action plan is the simplest place to start.

ShortHand gives you the documented notes to back up everything you say in that room. You can log the parent communication the second they walk out the door. Try it free at getshorthandapp.com.

Related reading: How to Prepare for a Parent Teacher Conference | Parent Teacher Conference Comments for Every Type of Student | The Ultimate Parent Phone Call Script for Teachers

Part of The Teacher's Complete Guide to Parent Communication.